Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I met the friendliest cop last night
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
