just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
i think we sleep fucked last night...
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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