if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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