Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.