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Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
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