just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
tell me about the fingering
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