I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
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You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
He's a Shit stain on my heart
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
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Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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