Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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