hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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