Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
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