Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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