I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
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