There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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