There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people