i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
These 23 People Prove You Don’t Have To Be A 10 To Be Good In Bed
Man, jail baloney is awful.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
21 People That Had The Worst Birthdays Imaginable
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.