Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
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even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
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I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."