Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
True strength comes from lack of pants
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...