she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!