U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
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My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
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So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.