no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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