I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
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you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
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There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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