We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
