I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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