I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize