capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize