Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
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He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
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Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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