It's Friday. Sex?
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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