I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
You may now shotgun with the bride
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
