No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
