we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
