The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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