I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Soap is not a condiment
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
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So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
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That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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