My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
nutella sex= disaster
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everclear isn't food dammit
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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