when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
He told me they were just razor bumps!
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
