6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
