I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
