Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize