Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.