someone threw a dead crab at me
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?