I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Randomize
