I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.