Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.