Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
