every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
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he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
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I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Someone signed my nipple.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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