remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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