i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
