Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
