She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
