the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
