So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
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we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
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Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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