Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
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He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize