I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
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