dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
