everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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