filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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