When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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