just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
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