I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
NoShamevember. You game?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
