my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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