Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize